


The past today

by Yuliana_Gonzalez



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, F/M, Hurt, emotional Steve, endgame spoilers, not a fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-15 21:46:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18677956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuliana_Gonzalez/pseuds/Yuliana_Gonzalez
Summary: Steve lives with Peggy now, and he’s living for once in his life for himself, the nightmares still haunt him, and nothing will ever be the same, Steve’s heart is unyielding to his emotions and the future past, until one day he finds a small breathing bundle sleeping on Peggy’s arms





	The past today

When Steve wakes up after a nightmare he can’t quite remember and he finds the other side of the bed empty and cold, he freezes all of a sudden, and his imagination supplies him with an image of gray ashy dust all over the covers.

Something sinks in his chest, and he pats desperately at the covers

“Peg” He mumbles with shortness of breath. 

But the vision soon vanishes, and the sheets are white and clean under his fingers.

Relief washes all over him, he tries to control his breathing as he places his right hand over his chest

It’s been six months since he came back to the past, and he still woke up everyday with a different nightmare, and his heart on his throat.

After that he can’t fall asleep again, and he knows that if he tries, a nightmare will wake him up again.

So instead he showers and brushes his teeth, he can’t shake off the feeling that he should remember something, something important about the dream, but decides to brush it off while he gets dressed, because he can hear Peggy singing and humming softly in the kitchen, everything is alright, he’s older than Peggy now, and there’s things they just can’t talk about, and things Steve doesn’t want to talk about.

She knows about the nightmares, and she knows that he came from the future, one of them at least.

And she also knows that Steve is very different from the one she promised a dance so long ago, but so is she, and she respects the long silences in which Steve closes off with a hunted look on his eyes while he stares somewhere behind her shoulder, and he comforts him when Steve wakes up gasping for air after a nightmare, but she never asks what they’re about.

Steve loves her even more for that, even if it’s not the same love it was before, Steve loves her dearly.

When Steve comes down the stairs that lead into the kitchen, he trips down the last step when he sees her, Peggy with a blue and yellow bundle on her arms, Peggy hums softly as she caresses the bundle’s red cheek.

He can’t have children, not with a normal human being, and he doesn’t want to risk doing it either, so the sight throws him off.

Peggy doesn’t even startles at the sound of Steve tripping and she doesn’t look away from the baby when she greets him.

“Good morning Steve my love”

“What-?” He stammers, taking doubtful steps towards her, he can’t see the baby’s face from this angle, he tries to speak again “what...

 

“Very eloquent Steve, never seen a baby before?” She asks this time looking at him with a playful smile pulling at her lips

 

“Remember Howard?” She asks not waiting for an answer “this is his son, he has an important conference today in Italy and he’s far too young for the journey, we are going to take care of him just for today, Jarvis, Howard’s Butler will be picking him up tomorrow morning”

 

Steve is speechless, and his breath catches in his throat, that baby, if it is Howard’s son then, images float around his mind, the memory of today’s nightmare, pale lips and void eyes, he looked calm and finally at rest, oh but his eyes were so void then, his eyes should’ve never looked like that.

 

“Meet Anthony Edward Stark” she says softly, eyes sweet while he looks at the baby in her arms, turning so that Steve could see him too, unaware of Steve’s turmoil 

 

“want to hold him?”

 

Steve doesn’t trust in his voice enough to answer so he extends his arms, almost like a spasm.

Peggy must notice something for sure in the way her eyes open wide and her lips part in a silent gasp.

 

The bundle weights nothing in his arms, but it’s warm and definitely

alive, the baby’s eyes are closed, but he opens his eyelids softly whena warm tear drops on his face, and Steve presses his forehead against his.

 

Steve’s heart feels heavy on chest until Tony looks at him straight in the eyes, with eyelashes full and dark, and the brown eyes of a deer, definitely Tony.

 

“Tony” Steve says softly, with a broken voice not even aware of speaking, but Peggy hears him.

 

The baby is looks so tiny and fragile in his arms, with a little pressure Steve could hurt him, and the universe still depends on him, on the innocence and young wonder in his eyes, flashbacks of a nightmare crosses his mind, void eyes and a missing spark.

Steve’s torso curls over the bundle on his arms like his shoulders and head weight a ton, and he presses him close against his chest protectively.

“Steve...” Mutters Peggy, a hint of surprise in her voice, wondering the reason behind Steve’s tears, a gasp leaves her mouth when Steve’s knees give out under his weight.

 

Steve is unable to put a name to the heavy feeling in his chest, a tiny hand curling around his blue button up shirt, and for the first time since he came back to the past, he cries, he sobs with a phantom ache in his chest, for the baby in his arms and for himself, Peggy kneels besides him, and curls herself against his side wordlessly, in silent support, she can’t help him with this, but Steve leans against her, he can’t stand his own weight, the baby in his arms is heavier by the minute, but he won’t let go, he can’t stop looking at the baby’s eyes, if he could shield him forever, he would, but he can’t and he knows it.

And that’s the hardest part of everything, unaware of the future, unaware of Steve’s misery, unaware of everything Tony falls asleep in his arms, safe, breathing, alive.


End file.
